Inuyasha: A Houshi's Life Is Never Easy
by Frozen Phoenix
Summary: A mysterious woman's curse makes Miroku irresistible to anything partly human. And while he doesn't mind Sango and even Kagome being affected, when Inuyasha and two crazy snake hanyous sent by a scheming Naraku become interested, will he survive?
1. Prologue

**Notes:** This story is just an idea that has been wandering around in my mind for some time. As it is humor, it's not really meant to be taken too seriously. Since this is just a prologue, it's short. But if people enjoy it, I'll continue.  

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha "Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi" and its characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. 

* * *

Grope Lest Ye Be Groped-Prologue  

By Frozen Phoenix

It was a normal day in the Sengoku Jidai. The humans went about their daily routines of farming or ruling in the case of nobility and the more evil youkai followed their regiment of maiming and destroying as well. Even the immoral hanyou Naraku was busying himself with wicked plans and a least one failed attack upon Inuyasha. But above all things, the charming, sympathetic houshi Miroku was courting. 

The lucky woman of his intentions was beautiful (they usually were), possessing of the brightest eyes, the clearest skin, and the firmest-Miroku smiled at the thought. 

He had found this woman walking demurely through a village where Kagome, Shippou, Inuyasha and the lovely Sango had stopped, albeit most reluctantly on Inuyasha's part, to slay some youkai or other that was terrorizing the people. 

Miroku would have _gladly_ aided them, but the sight of a beautiful young woman walking-alone-in such a dangerous location was something he could not have permitted. His conscience was just too pure. He had gone to the woman, conveniently forgetting how many times such a situation had occurred and that the women were in fact youkai that wished to kill him.  

Making his way to the woman, who was clothed in a yukata that seemed to match the sky, he had given an amiable smile and offered to escort her, pledging his holy powers and-ahem-body to act as her protector. 

The woman smiled. "I thank you for your concern, houshi-sama. These times are dangerous and I am grateful for your arrival. My family is of a noble house and if there is anything that you require, you have but to ask it." 

"Lovely lady," Miroku began cordially. "A humble monk such as myself, requires nothing more than your company. And your name of course."

Flushing slightly, the woman looked down at the ground. "My rudeness shames me. I am Sakura, daughter of Lord Nobiyaka." 

"Sakura." Miroku repeated lightly. "A most fitting name for a most beautiful woman." Coming to a decision, Miroku stop walking and grasped the Lady Sakura's hands gently. "There is however, one other request I wish to make of you. Surely a lady of a prestigious house would benefit well if she did have a child. It would honor me greatly if you were to bear mine."  

Miroku waited for the flattered smile, for the gentle blush to spread across the Lady Sakura's stunning face. He waited…and began to grow nervous. The Lady Sakura was staring at him in a way that reminded him of Inuyasha when he had asked Kagome-sama the same question. 

The intensity and unpleasantness of her gaze did unnerve Miroku until finally she spoke. 

"Your rudeness precedes you houshi-sama." Lady Sakura's murmured with strange coldness. "I was to grant you a gift for your kindness, but now, rather I curse you for your impoliteness." 

 The word curse immediately set Miroku on edge. He would have been able to sense if this woman was a youkai quite easily and if she was human… the curses of youkai were deadly, those of witches were far more evil. 

"Gentle lady," Miroku began genially, in an effort to calm her. "Surely we can-" He stopped speaking when Lady Sakura's eyes began to glow a most eerie red. 

"May your greatest folly become your greatest dilemma." Lady Sakura chanted, her hold on Miroku's hand tightening. "May that which you seek become that which you run from." 

With those words spoken, Lady Sakura released Miroku and stepped backwards. "Farewell houhi-sama. Perhaps you will learn something from this curse." Then, with nary a glance behind her, Lady Sakura began walking once again, until she vanished altogether, leaving Miroku alone to ponder his fate. 


	2. The First Incident

**Notes: **The beginning of this chapter starts off slow, but things will get funnier. I'm mostly trying to set the scene and get a feel for things. I also thank everyone for their lovely reviews, your encouragement means a lot to me. 

**Disclaimer: **Inuyasha "Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi" and its characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi.

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The First Incident or Why Sango May Be In Need of Counseling 

Higurashi Kagome, the raven-haired reincarnation of the late miko Kikyou and a great miko in her own right was disappointed. For it was she who had insisted that they stop in this particular village to help free the hapless villagers from the grasp of the "terrible, horrible" youkai that she had tale of. 

It was only after her arrival and a few hours of flushing the so-called "monstrous" youkai out with Sango, Kirara and Shippou, (Miroku had been strangely absent and due to his keen sense of smell, Inuyasha was sick as a…well…dog) that they discovered the truth. 

And what a demeaning truth it was. Luckily the villagers were a grateful bunch and were happy to provide Sango, Kagome, Shippou (and after screaming in terror at) Inuyasha with a room set with a feast fit for an army. 

"Who would have thought a little rabbit youkai would have caused so much trouble?" Kagome inquired from her position beside Sango. 

"It may have been small," Shippou replied shuddering. "But its teeth were enormous! Did you see the way it tore through that temple?" 

A muffled "Feh" caused everyone to turn and look downward where Inuyasha lay, looking annoyed and cocky. No different then he usually did, save for the redness of his nose. 

"That's because you took too damn long to deal with it." Inuyasha reproached. "It would've been dead in seconds if I had been there."  

"Oh really." Kagome began hotly, glaring at the hanyou. "Well you weren't there, so you shouldn't be talking." 

Shippou rolled his eyes. "Inuyasha must be feeling better if he can lose an argument to Kagome." 

"Whaduya mean lose?" Inuyasha growled. "Why don't you come over here and say that?" He shifted positions and proceeded to stand. "Or better yet," Inuyasha smiled evilly, "Why don't I come over there!" 

Inuyasha lunged, causing Shippou to jump and run behind Kagome. The miko was far from impressed. 

"Inuyasha, leave Shippou alone!" She spoke irately. Little did she know that the-far-from-innocent kitsune was making faces behind her back.

Inuyasha's froze. "Me? The brat's practically asking for it!" He argued, affronted.

Frowning slightly, Kagome glanced behind her, where Shippou was doing his best "I'm just a kawaii, loveable little youkai" impression. And unfortunately for Inuyasha, it succeeded. 

Kagome turned back to face him, disbelief written clearly on her face. Meanwhile, Shippou smiled smugly, before he pulled down an eyelid and stuck out his tongue. 

"You little-" Inuyasha lunged forward, neither knowing nor expecting (though you would think after all this time he would), IT.

"Osuwari!" Kagome shouted. 

With that one little word, Inuyasha stopped moving and quickly and painfully, slammed down upon the hard, wooden floor. For the second time in one day, Inuyasha had ended up on his face. And what a difference wood chips made. 

Kagome sighed wearily, then gazed at Sango, who had been oddly silent throughout the scene. Her Hiraikotsu positioned behind her and Kirara sitting contently on her lap, the taijiya looked unusually distracted. 

"Sango-chan, is something wrong?" Kagome asked worriedly. 

Sango looked up at her and frowned. "Houshi-sama has been gone for quite some time, hasn't he Kagome-sama?" She spoke carefully. 

Suddenly uncomfortable, Kagome nodded slowly. "Yes…" 

"He's probably still with that girl he was walking with earlier." Shippou added helpfully. Though his expression became considerably nervous when not only Kagome, but also Sango fixed him with suspicious looks. 

"Houshi-sama was with…a girl?" Sango queried slowly. 

Shippou nodded. "Much earlier. I saw him walking with her out of the village. She was very pretty…do you think that he asked her to bear his child?" 

That was most likely the worst thing the kitsune could have said. But luckily (or perhaps most unluckily) the thin door slid open and revealed none other than…a slightly disheveled Miroku. 

~*~

The handsome (and now doubly cursed) houshi had spent what he judged to be enough time brooding over his newest curse and returned to the village. It was no less quiet than when he had left it, but Miroku judged the sounds of revelry and glee to be the work of sake, rather than fear. 

He had been able to find at least one man who wasn't completely dead of drink and managed to obtain the location of his fellow Shikon fragment hunters and Naraku haters alike. Upon his entry, he noticed Inuyasha and the floor getting better acquainted, Shippou looking in fear of his life and the exquisite Kagome and lovely Sango giving him the most familiar of looks…

Shaking himself of that…disturbing thought, Miroku gave his most charming smile. 

"I see that you have started-and finished-without me." He spoke smoothly.   

"Oi Miroku!" Inuyasha shouted irately (and slightly muffled). "Where the hell were you?" 

"My apologies." Miroku responded sincerely. "I would have returned sooner had I not been…delayed." 

"Delayed, huh?" Inuyasha snorted. "So who was she?" 

Both Kagome and Sango's dark looks became frosty. 

"She?" Miroku repeated innocently. 

Inuyasha sat up warily and glared at him. "Yeah _she_. I can smell her all over you bouzu."

He had been caught. The very idea didn't sit well with Miroku. If not for his cunning and quick thinking, he might have been in trouble.  

"Ah yes, she." Miroku waved a hand dismissively. "Merely another of Naraku's pawns that attempted to seduce and murder me." He sighed dramatically. "It's always the beautiful ones."  

With that said, Miroku seated himself beside Sango and gazed at the feast before him intently. After his confusing (and disappointing) ordeal, he had developed an appetite. And yet… something was still amiss. 

Miroku spared the sparsest of glimpses beside him and found what he had suspected. Kagome and Sango were still staring at him. He looked at Shippou curiously, and the kitsune shrugged. 

"They're probably mad at you because you went with that girl rather than staying and helping us destroy the youkai." 

"Which, given the outcome of your decision, wasn't the wisest thing to do houshi-sama." Sango murmured. 

Miroku smiled and drew closer to her. "Knowing how important my well-being is to you moves me Sango-sama. Perhaps we could continue-"

Famous last words. Seconds later, the strangest of things happened. And though Sango would mentally swear that she had reached for her Hiraikotsu to give Miroku the knock on the head he so greatly deserved, what happened next was far from what anyone expected. 

Sango had inexplicably moved forward and wrapped an arm tightly around the surprised Miroku. What she did next caused Kagome, Shippou and even Inuyasha to gasp in shock. It was these gasps that seemed to "awaken" Sango. She drew away from Miroku with rapid speed, her face glowing a brilliant red. 

"Are you all right Sango-chan?" Asked Kagome when she found her voice once again.

Sango nodded ever so slowly. "Please forgive me houshi-sama. I don't know what came over me." 

When Miroku didn't respond, Sango became even more flustered and Kagome and Shippou tried to get his attention.  

"Miroku-sama?" 

"Miroku?" 

Still nothing. But little did everyone know the true reason for Miroku's silence. It wasn't embarrassment or horror he felt…it was amazement. The lovely, demure Sango had just touched…his rear. 

So this is what the Lady Sakura meant…how very interesting… 

Miroku gave a light laugh, hoping to ease the apparent discomfort around him. Meanwhile, Kagome was trying to comfort Sango, with Shippou doing his best to help her and Inuyasha was glaring at Miroku suspiciously. If only he knew…

~*~

In our next chapter, "The Second Incident or Does Miroku Have a Death Wish and Is Kagome a Hentai?" 


	3. The Second Incident

**Notes: **I really don't have much to say. Aside from thank you very much for your reviews and please enjoy this latest chapter. 

**Disclaimer: **Inuyasha "Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi" And its characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. 

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The Second Incident or Does Miroku Have a Death Wish and Is Kagome a Hentai?

The birds chirped, the flowers bloomed and Miroku was oblivious them. He knew he should have been grateful to be out of the village, yet his mind was still fixated upon one thing. Sango. Or more appropriately, Sango's hand. Touching. Touching _him_. Her delicate fingers, so soft and warm…but it was the imagining of what other things her hands could caress that preoccupied Miroku, nearly causing him wander into a tree. 

A few feet ahead of the lust-ridden monk, Kagome glanced back at him curiously. Her eyes widened when she caught his near blunder and she looked forward to see if anyone else had noticed. With Shippou sitting on her knapsack, which was on top of her bicycle, that left Sango and Inuyasha. 

Most likely still embarrassed over her earlier indiscretion, with Kirara by her side, Sango stared ahead silently. Kagome managed to catch Inuyasha's eye and could tell from the wary look on his face that he suspected something. Though whatever that something was, he wasn't sharing. She sighed lightly and shook her head. 

With Naraku running (and "kukuku"-ing) around somewhere, plus Shikon fragments to locate, they really didn't need any more problems. Plus Kagome had a tough Math test coming up, meaning she would have to come up with a new and improved "Inuyasha Getaway Plan." _Maybe I could borrow some of Sango-chan's-_

"You look upset Kagome-sama. I hope that it isn't on my account." Miroku's voice suddenly interrupted her thoughts. 

Had she been walking rather than riding her bike, Kagome would have jumped. How had he gotten so close to her without her noticing? 

"Eh, no I'm fine." Kagome replied with a quick smile. "But I'm worried about Sango-chan, she seems a little shook up." 

"She was acting almost as strange as you usually do Miroku." Shippou piped up from behind Kagome. 

Kagome frowned at the statement and fixed Miroku with a questioning look. "You wouldn't happen to have anything to do with this, would you Miroku-sama?" 

Miroku gave her his most innocent smile. "I assure you Kagome-sama, I was as surprised at Sango-sama's actions as you were. However, were you to…" He trailed off when he noticed a very familiar blank look cross Kagome's pretty face… 

~*~

Inuyasha couldn't keep from sneaking glances behind him. And what he saw, he didn't like. Even though she was riding her metal contraption, Kagome was _awfully_ close to Miroku. Growling to himself, Inuyasha tried to focus upon what was important. Reuniting the shards of the Shikon no Tama, becoming a full-blooded youkai and finding Naraku, ripping out his innards and feeding them to him. He deserved that a whole lot more for everything he had done. 

Still…Inuyasha remembered the earlier incident and scowled. _If he so much as _**looks**_ at Kagome the wrong way, screw the hellhole, I'll cut his damn hands off. _Feeling more resolute, Inuyasha turned around once again. His jaw presumably dropped. One might now have been sure, due to the almost feral sound he uttered. 

It was a cross between a growl and a shout and certainly enough to make Sango look behind her and gasp. 

"Kagome-sama…!" For not the first time in her life, Sango was without words. And she did have good reason. 

Some way, (precisely when Sango wasn't sure) Kagome had thrown her metal contraption, with poor Shippou still in it, to the ground and-ahem-managed to tackle a very willing Miroku. 

Sango's face flushed with embarrassment. She had been ashamed of barely touching a man she wasn't betrothed to so…intimately, but what Kagome had done…and that Miroku was enjoying it... 

_This doesn't bode well,_ the taijiya thought wearily before going to extract Shippou, whose eyes were spinning in odd little circles. It was probably not a good sign…

~*~

If it had been almost anyone else, (Sango, Inuyasha for starters), they might have been disturbed. But since it was Miroku, he couldn't help but find Kagome straddling him to be intensely arou-_Damn._

Revived by Inuyasha's very loud yell, Kagome jumped from Miroku's body. Her face glowed a remarkable scarlet color and she looked as mortified as Sango had earlier. She immediately went to the still-stunned Shippou, who was held in Sango's arms and muttered rapid apologies. 

Miroku did feel for the young kitsune, but was unable to express his sympathies. Before he could blink, Inuyasha had him hovering above ground in the tightest chokehold imaginable. 

Ignoring Sango and Kagome's anxious pleas completely, Inuyasha tightened his grip. His sharp claws dug into Miroku's throat painfully, but the monk wasn't about to push his luck and ask the hanyou to loosen his grip. 

"I'm only gonna ask you this once Miroku," Inuyasha snarled furiously. "What the hell is going on?" 

Miroku would gladly have provided him with some form of an answer, had his supply of air not become dangerously scarce. And jugging from Inuyasha's expression, it  was most likely that he wasn't going to be permitted any more. 

~*~

Kagome had had enough. As mortified as she felt about practically attacking Miroku and his despite obvious attempts to prolong his involvement, she didn't want Inuyasha to kill him. Even if a small part of her slightly pleased that he would go to such lengths to protect her. 

Feeling a new rush of guilt over the selfish thought, Kagome took a deep breath. This was going to hurt Inuyasha far more than it was going to hurt her. 

"Osuwari!" 

BAM! 

Inuyasha was introduced to the ground once again. A pity that it was littered with several sharp, pointy rocks. 

It was that fact that made Kagome even more nervous. If Inuyasha had been mad before, being subdued had probably made him furious. 

"Stupid bitch!" 

_Yep,_ Kagome thought wearily. _He's definitely furious._

"What'd you do that for!?" Inuyasha asked crossly. 

Clutching Shippou closer to her, Kagome glared at him. "Why do you think?" 

Inuyasha made a sound of frustration. "If I _knew_, you think I'd waste my time asking you?" 

~*~

Sango had been watching the scene intently. While Inuyasha and Kagome proceeded to argue (again), she had gone to see how Miroku was faring. After Inuyasha's subduing, he had landed on the ground only a few feet away. He was better of than Sango had expected, it seemed Inuyasha had been more preoccupied with strangling him rather than slitting his throat open. Lucky for him. 

"How are you faring houshi-sama?" She inquired neutrally. 

Miroku looked up at her and winced slightly. "I am…as well as can be expected, given the situation." 

Feeling relieved, Sango nodded. "Good." Faster than usual, she reached for her Hiraikotsu (and this time it was her Hiraikotsu she grabbed, not Miroku's rear). She hoped to never make that mistake again. At least not in public. 

Wondering precisely where that thought had come from, she swiftly brought the Hiraikotsu down upon Miroku's head, giving him quite the goose egg. 

Then lowering her Hiraikotsu, Sango stared at Miroku coolly. "Perhaps now you will explain what is really happening." 

~*~

In our next chapter, "The Third Incident or Hot Spring Shenanigans and Inuyasha, You Too? 


	4. The Third Incident

**Notes:** Forgive me for the delay. I don't usually write shounen-ai or yaoi, as I'm not a big fan of it. Therefore, this chapter doesn't really contain any graphic instances of it. Even so, if you're one of those people who isn't a fan of such things, you can simply skip over the part, you won't miss much believe me. And about the plot hole, I'm well aware that the Tetsusaiga acts as an anchor for Inuyasha's youkai blood and that separation from it would cause him to become a mindless killing machine. But my story takes place before that information is revealed in the sixteenth volume collection of the manga. For the sake of the story, that information is still unknown. Enjoy the chapter. 

**Disclaimer: **Inuyasha "Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi. 

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The Third Incident or Hot Spring Shenanigans and Inuyasha, You Too?

Miroku was in pain. Usually getting hit with Sango's boomerang was a mere irritation, but after being nearly strangled by Inuyasha beforehand, the pain seemed even more intense. While any other person might have been discouraged, if being groped by Sango and dominated by Kagome (An episode Miroku wanted greatly to continue) had warranted such punishments, he had decided the events to be worth it. 

When he regained his senses, Miroku rubbed his sore head and blinked rapidly. There had seemed to be a great deal of anger behind Sango's blow, though he couldn't understand why. 

"Houshi-sama," Sango spoke impatiently. "Your explanation?" 

Miroku glanced at her and realized that Kagome and Inuyasha had ceased their arguing and were listening intently. Or in Inuyasha's case, watching him murderously. 

_Charm isn't going to work this time,_ Miroku mused warily. _And while it pains me to do so, it looks like I must reveal the unfortunate truth. _

And so he did. From start to finish, Miroku divulged everything. He was only interrupted once when Inuyasha (who had recently regained the power to stand upright) moved forward, growling something about killing him. 

Of course, it was only a matter of time before Kagome subdued him once again. Such matters were all too typical. 

"What were you gonna do Miroku?" Inuyasha inquired from below once he had finished speaking. "Tell us about this _after_ Kagome and Sango had slept with you?" 

Both women colored slightly, while Miroku frowned. 

"Surely not. I would have made them well aware of what was happening before they decided to bear my child. And if afterwards we decided to rest-" 

Another blow to the head by Sango's boomerang silenced Miroku. Kagome was angry enough to want to do the same, but since she held the groggy Shippou, she had nothing blunt enough to use against the monk's hard head.

Standing over the dazed form of Miroku, Sango gave a sigh. "This makes things very difficult. How are we to continue searching for Shikon fragments and battling Naraku, when at any moment Kagome and I may lose our senses?" 

"How should I know?" Inuyasha replied crossly. Being subdued twice on the sharp, rocky ground had done little to improve his temperament. "This curse deals only with Miroku, maybe if stay away from him, you won't be affected. 

Kagome sweatdropped. "That's easier said than done." 

Standing once again (and giving Kagome a cold look) Inuyasha snorted. "Feh. Well unless you want to end up the mother of his children, you better." 

Blushing wildly, Kagome nodded. "Right…" _Keeping Miroku away from us is another story entirely. _

Perhaps sharing her thoughts, Inuyasha gave the fallen Miroku a dark glare. "He tries anything else before we get this curse fixed, he won't have to worry about the hellhole killing him, because I'll tear his damn head off." 

"Hopefully it won't come to that." Sango remarked. 

"Knowing Miroku," Kagome responded warily, "It just might." 

~*~

A short distance away, Jaken, a toad youkai and (perhaps a little too) loyal retainer of Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands, full-blooded dog youkai and Inuyasha's half-brother, was brooding. 

Jaken considered himself a creature of high intelligence (one would have to be to remain in Sesshoumaru's presence), yet he had not been able to perceive the reason for the most recent failures. His fair lord had lost his precious arm while trying to attain the Tetsusaiga, the Iron Pulverizing Fang that could fall a thousand youkai in one swoop. 

Most demeaning of all, it was Inuyasha who had been able to able to wield Tetsusaiga's power, when he was nothing more than a lowbrow hanyou whose appearance was nearly as foul as his mouth. 

Smirking slightly at the thought, Jaken didn't notice Sesshoumaru as he silently came up right behind him. Though his voice, calm and emotionless as always, caused the smaller youkai to jump, nearly dropping the Staff of Heads to the ground. 

"He has been here." It was a simple statement, but then Sesshoumaru was the kind of youkai to engage in conversation and afternoon tea. Jaken didn't need to guess of whom his master was referring to. 

"This area almost reeks of his scent." Sesshoumaru continued, a miniscule frown crossing his handsome, (who says only females wear make up) face. 

"What are we to do now Sesshoumaru-sama?" Jaken asked, barely concealing his eagerness. He then gulped when his lord fixed him with an unreadable look. 

While mentally entertaining ideas of disembowelment, Sesshoumaru turned away and began walking. Killing Jaken would be too quick, too painless and ultimately useless in the end. Good help was so hard to find. 

Sesshoumaru continued on, ignoring Jaken's irksome pleas for him to slow down. He had far more important matters to consider, matters such as how he would procure the Tetsusaiga from his worthless brother and how slowly he would kill him…

~*~

"There's no way in hell I'm getting in there!" 

"I don't see why you're getting all worked up." 

"Whaduya mean 'worked up?" 

"You are worked up! Who goes through all this over bathing?" 

"And it isn't like you don't need to. I bet that dead rabbit smells better than you." 

"What was that you little brat?!" 

"Kagome!" 

From a smart distance, Sango watched the developing melee with a sliver of amusement and a great amount of exasperation. For the last ten minutes, Kagome had been trying to convince Inuyasha to take advantage of the hot springs they had been lucky enough to stumble across. And for ten minutes, Inuyasha had blatantly refused her. 

Normally, Sango would have shared an understanding look with Miroku, but though her anger with him had slightly ebbed, he was standing ten feet away from her, thereby rendering 'the look' useless.

"I still don't understand the big problem." Kagome continued, annoyance in her voice and bemusement on her face. "It's just a bath."

Inuyasha made a sound of frustration. "That's not the point!" 

"Then what is the point?" 

What indeed? Inuyasha's dislike of water was well known. But for him to carry on about it (especially when he really needed it) was most unusual. But it was finally Shippou who provided the greatly wanted answer. 

"You may be full of courage when it comes to battles, but you sure are acting like a coward. It's because you're scared of Miroku's curse, isn't it? 

"I am not scared!" Inuyasha retorted indignantly. He didn't try and attack Shippou as he normally would, Kagome had been extremely easygoing with the use of the word "Osuwari" lately and the hanyou didn't feel like bruising his ribs for the third time that day. 

And from his position scant feet away, Miroku couldn't resist a jibe. 

"As flattered as I am Inuyasha, please forgive me if I do not return your advances." He spoke eloquently, giving the furious hanyou his most scintillating of smiles. 

Inuyasha scowled, but the memory of pain kept him from maiming the smart-aleck monk. "You're really askin' for it Miroku." 

"When isn't he?" Kagome muttered exasperatedly. Having heard her, Sango gave a light laugh, causing Kagome to smile slightly in return. Still, the moment of ease didn't resolve the original problems, those being Miroku's new curse and Inuyasha's unpleasant aroma. 

But Kagome still had one more card to play, one that would change everything…

~*~

Inuyasha was mad. Or to be quite frank, he was livid. Anger, fury, and irritation…any such emotions save for happiness or sorrow coursed through him, making him want to hurt something. Or more precisely, _someone_. 

Without warning, a splash of water of water hit Inuyasha in the back of his head, causing him to turn and glower at the guilty party. Shippou grinned back at him triumphantly from the edge of the spring.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Inuyasha inquired furiously, resisting the instinctive urge to shake the water off. 

"You missed a spot." Shippou replied with mock-helpfulness. "I thought I would help you." 

"You wanna help me? Then get your ass over here so I can-"

"Need I remind you of Kagome-sama's threat, were you to hurt Shippou in her absence?" Miroku interrupted dryly, a small distance away. Unlike his companion, he was enjoying the effects of the warm water. 

Inuyasha snorted. He remembered well enough what Kagome had said to 'convince' him to go through with it. Something about using Osuwari to subdue him into next Tuesday. Inuyasha hadn't believed her at the time, but after she subdued him five times straight, he quickly changed his mind. And possibly broken numerous bones in the process.

Sango, Kagome and Kirara had then gone to bathe in a separate part of the spring and left Inuyasha, Miroku and Shippou to do the same. So far, water unpleasantness aside; things had been going unusually well. How quickly that was about to change. 

"I wish only this unsightly wall wasn't here." Miroku spoke forlornly, gesturing to the barrier that separated Inuyasha, Shippou and himself from their female companions. 

Shippou gave him a curious look. "Really? How come?" 

"This wall provides a terrible obstruction of Sango and Kagome-sama's luscious br-"

One minute Miroku was speaking, the next he was gurgling. He should have expected something to happen, Inuyasha was bathing with him after all. But being wildly optimistic as well as hormonally driven, Miroku was caught off guard nonetheless. Such is the effect of someone trying to drown you. 

Yet, as quickly as he had been pushed under water, Miroku was roughly pulled out of it. Relief washed over him, as the waterlogged monk began coughing. He thought he heard Shippou shouting something over the sound, but was unable to say anything in return. 

Then it happened. Faster than Miroku could process, he was shoved against the rough, stone wall. He was about to protest, when he noticed something that froze him. Inuyasha's eyes were glassy, a very familiar and very disturbing blank. And when he put his clawed hands on either side of Miroku's shoulders… 

_Sweet Buddha_. Inuyasha was looking at him like, like…Miroku didn't want to continue that thought process. Rather, he took stock of his situation. He was pressed against a jagged wall by a lust-crazed hanyou who was inches away from…

And they were both nude. 

The situation had become terrifying. But just when Miroku assumed things couldn't get any worse and that Inuyasha's lips would be the last thing he saw, for once he regained his senses, Miroku was positive the hanyou would kill him, things did grow worse. 

For a low, emotionless voice suddenly came from above "Inuyasha…only you would be so foolish to carry out your mating affairs with a human male," The speaker paused, frowning for a moment."Unguarded." Still holding onto Miroku, Inuyasha glanced upward and growled. Miroku followed his gaze and felt his blood run cold. 

Standing coolly upon a branch of a nearby tree, his white hair flailing slightly in a light wind, was none other than…

_Sesshoumaru! _

~*~

In our next chapter, "The Fourth Incident or Miroku Gets a Feeling and Sesshoumaru has a Soft Side?" 


	5. The Fourth Incident

**Notes: **There is no yaoi in this chapter; I nearly gouged my eyes out after the last. No offense to any yaoi writers, I suppose it's just one of those things that depend upon preferences. This chapter title is slightly misleading, mostly because I changed the idea for it completely while I was working on it. Anyway, thank you very much for your reviews and I hope that you enjoy this chapter.  

**Disclaimer: **Inuyasha "Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi" and its characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi.   

* * *

The Fourth Incident or Miroku Gets a Feeling and Sesshoumaru Has A Soft Side? 

Many thoughts flowed through Miroku's mind when Sesshoumaru revealed himself and made his less than factual comment. Embarrassment, shock, anger…all understandable emotions given his current situation. 

It was bad enough to be nude and trapped between the clawed hands of Inuyasha, who would most likely kill Miroku painfully when he came to his senses, but it was far worse to be so in the presence of his older half brother. 

"Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru continued, a wisp of a smile on lips. "I came to reclaim that which is mine, not watch you and your human bitch enjoy yourselves." 

Miroku felt his jaw clench. He had been called many names in his life, most of which had been greatly mistaken, but Sesshoumaru had gone too far. Miroku planned upon making a comment about the youkai's effeminate appearance, but he was unfortunately beaten to the punch.       

"Sesshoumaru," Inuyasha spoke blearily. "What the hell are you talking about?" 

Therein laid the question. While Sesshoumaru raised a delicate eyebrow, Miroku pondered. Kagome and Sango had remembered anything and everything of their…encounters, yet had not taken the amount of time Inuyasha had to snap out of their cursed states. 

Perhaps because he is half youkai, the curse functions differently. Causing Inuyasha to be more aggressive than a human and also fading the incident from memory once he "awakens."

Miroku sighed dejectedly. It was just his luck to receive a curse that would cause him to be aroused by humans and ravished by hanyous. __

And it was that one sigh that did it. Inuyasha glanced back at him irately, only to discover what both Sesshoumaru and Miroku already knew. Hands, nude and male were Miroku's guesses for what went through Inuyasha's mind. Judging by the horrified look that crossed his face, he certainly wasn't thinking about cherry blossoms and ramen. __

"Miroku…" Inuyasha hissed, almost interrupting the monk's silent prayer to Buddha and anyone else that would listen. Then when Inuyasha flung him nearly to the other side of the spring, Miroku decided he was on his own. Also that fate was a very cruel mistress, sentencing him to die alone, with no heir and…naked. So much for honor and dignity. 

But, just as Miroku expected the final blow to be struck, cruel fate decided yet again to intervene. 

A few feet away from the spring and the shame, a worried Kagome, a breathless Shippou, a taijiya suited Sango and a transformed Kirara stood waiting. 

"Sesshoumaru?" Kagome inquired disbelievingly. "Why is he here-?" She stopped speaking after taking stock of the current situation.__

~*~

Kagome had been having a relaxing and refreshing soak with Sango in their side of the hot spring when Shippou had frantically came and interrupted her. After hearing the news about Sesshoumaru, she and the taijiya had hurriedly dressed.  

She had expected to find Inuyasha engaged in fierce battle with his half brother, sword meeting claws or some weird arm Sesshoumaru had managed to obtain. What she actually found was slightly different. 

There was Inuyasha; looking the most ill tempered Kagome had ever seen him and Sesshoumaru looking calm and collected, as he usually did. But it was the sight of the harried Miroku and the sudden revelation that both he and Inuyasha were far from dressed that floored Kagome. 

Despite knowing it was rude, Kagome couldn't tear herself away from the sight before her. Feeling her face grow hot, she idly wondered what would happen if she said osuwari, if Inuyasha would jump up and-

_Oh no,_ Kagome thought, horrified. _I'm getting as bad as Miroku. _

Trying to take her mind off that disconcerting thought, Kagome glanced at Sango…

~*~

Sesshoumaru stared down at them, at his brother and the humans that had succeeded in besting him. The miko had turned away from Inuyasha, doing what she could to mask her interest, while the other woman kept her eyes constantly on the ground, obviously embarrassed by the sight before her. The monk wore the expression of a caged beast, making Sesshoumaru all the more disgusted by what was happening around him. 

These had been the humans that had defeated and humiliated him? At the moment, Sesshoumaru believed they could have been overtaken by blithering idiots and that his precious time was being wasted. 

He wouldn't stand for it. He, Sesshoumaru was Lord of the Western Lands and he deserved attention.   

"What are you waiting for Inuyasha?" Sesshoumaru taunted coldly. "Or do you need your mate's approval to fight me?" 

Inuyasha's reaction was as Sesshoumaru expected. His amber eyes narrowed and his fists clenched at his side. 

Inuyasha snarled, "He isn't my mate, you bastard. Whatever you saw was part of a damn curse. And I'll fight you right now, I need something to tear apart." 

Sesshoumaru snorted. "Clothe yourself. I, Sesshoumaru will not lower myself to deal with you in such a state." 

"Yeah," Inuyasha replied, a cocky expression forming. "I wouldn't want you seeing anything else of mine to be jealous of." 

Sesshoumaru made no response, instead turned away from his half brother. Inuyasha then sent a withering glance in Miroku's direction and was relieved to see him focusing upon something beneath the water. He was prepared to leap from the spring, grab his clothing and the Tetsusaiga, when he noticed something astonishing. Kagome was staring at him. _Kagome_ was staring at _him_. 

Had he not been caught doing who knows what to Miroku moments earlier, Inuyasha might have been grudgingly pleased. But as of now, he was wet, embarrassed, angry and-Kagome was staring at _him_, not Miroku, did it mean something? Or was it just-

He didn't need this, not now. 

"Oi Kagome," Inuyasha ordered. "Turn around." 

Surprisingly and with no small amount of guilt in eyes, she obeyed. Inuyasha breathed a sigh of relief, knowing Sango wasn't looking and that Miroku had damn well better not be looking. 

Still, once he extracted himself and began to dress, Inuyasha couldn't help but notice that Shippou had been awfully silent…

~*~

To Miroku, his robes had never felt better. Being nude had never really bothered him when he was alone and he certainly wouldn't have minded being so in the presence of an equally un-attired, beautiful, willing **woman**. Instead, he had gotten Inuyasha. 

Miroku frowned at the memory. It was something that would most likely haunt him for the rest of his natural life, if not longer. And judging by Shippou's uncharacteristic silence, the young kitsune must have felt the same. 

Feeling a swell of pity, Miroku gazed at Shippou, who was perched on Kagome's shoulder, apologetically. The Lady Sakura's curse was proving to be most…annoying as of late. He then stole a quick glance at Inuyasha, only to receive a dangerous glare in return. 

Miroku was usually very good at reading expressions, it proved to be vital in his various manipulations-err, services. The look Inuyasha was giving him almost screamed, "When I'm done with him, _you're_ next." Not the most encouraging looks to receive. 

But it was Sesshoumaru's sudden attack that drew Inuyasha's attention and seconds later, both he and Sesshoumaru were engaged fiercely in a battle between the Tetsusaiga and Sesshoumaru's claws. Inuyasha, like Miroku, had taken notice of the human arm in place of some usually freakish appendage and was centering his attacks upon it. 

Kirara, along with Sango and Kagome stood nearby, Hiraikotsu and arrow set bow in their hands, the two women looked prepared, ever ready to offer Inuyasha assistance. Two beautiful women with weapons-Miroku abruptly ceased that line of thinking. It was going a bit far, even for him. 

Perhaps they sensed his gaze, for moments later (and simultaneously) Sango and Kagome turned towards Miroku. Turned with glazed eyes, vacant expressions and-_Damn._

It was "The Look." From _both _of them at the _same time. It made no sense to Miroku, he wasn't anywhere near either Sango or Kagome and his curse had only been affecting one person at a time. ___

_Unless…the curse must be growing stronger. If that truly is so, then I must be on my guard in case Inuyasha wishes to continue what he started earlier._

Miroku shuddered. He considered himself a man of remarkable endurance and stamina, but that would surely be pushing it.  

Speaking of pushing, Kagome and Sango had both (luckily) dropped their weapons and, as if in a dreamlike state, were moving closer. Too close for Miroku's comfort. Inuyasha was only a few feet away, already feeling murderous and possessing a very big, very sharp sword. Miroku's odds for survival were swiftly dwindling. 

The anxious monk was left with only one option. While Sesshoumaru was succeeding in keeping Inuyasha busy, (most likely his full-youkai blood rendered him unaffected to the curse, as he hadn't shown any real interest in groping Miroku) he did what he considered necessary. Ignoring Shippou's frantic pleas for Kagome to "wake up," and a cry from Inuyasha, he ran. 

Normally, Miroku would have found such a course of action to be most unbecoming and the idea of two women chasing after him to be quite enticing, with everything that has been happening as of late, he was far from pleased. 

And as long as Kagome and Sango were too addled to think of riding Kirara, Miroku was sure he was safe. For the moment…

~*~

High over trees and rocks it flew, intent upon its mission and full of glee over the news it carried. Flapping its wings even faster, the Saimyoushou insect sprung forward the visage of its master Naraku also on its mind. 

It took little time for the Saimyoushou to reach his master, who was currently residing in an ornate castle and awaiting information. And what interesting information he would receive. 

Minutes later, the Hell Insect breezed through a slightly ajar, door and into the inner sanctum of the mansion. It knew the layout by heart, and wasted no time in arriving at his destination. 

In the largest of rooms sat Naraku, the raven haired, cunning, deceitful, despicable and any and all other words related to evil. Naraku extended one pallid finger for the insect to perch upon and drew it close to his ear to hear its secrets. 

Once the Saimyoushou insect had completed his report, Naraku smiled maliciously.  

"Kukuku. The dim-witted girl-chaser has received a punishment. One wielded by a woman no less."  

Naraku was slightly tempted take up his baboon pelt and watch the havoc unfold, but the amusing, if not disturbing knowledge of Inuyasha's "amorous" advances made him hesitate. He was, loathsome as it was to admit, a hanyou and would most likely fall under the lust fueling curse if he did so. While the thought of Miroku broken and battered intrigued Naraku, it would take nothing short of such torture to make him touch Miroku. 

Yet such an opportunity should not be wasted, Naraku reflected venomously. Miroku had run off alone and his irksome companions would be too occupied to aid him were he to run into…trouble. 

Trouble Naraku was more than willing to provide. While he regretted not being able to send Kohaku to dispatch the lecher, (He didn't need the boy gaining another reason to repeat his previous suicide attempt) there were other methods. 

"Kukuku." Naraku then ceased laughing and smirked. Other methods and other creatures…

~*~

In our next chapter, "The Final Incident or Naraku's Evil Plot and Miroku's Final Battle?" 


	6. The Final Incident

**Notes: **This chapter is more serious than usual, given the need to continue the plot and all that. There is also an abundance of Miroku-torture, mostly because I'm an evil person. Anyway, this is the next to last chapter and I hope you enjoy it. 

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha, "Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi" and its characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi.  

* * *

The Final Incident or Naraku's Evil Plot and Miroku's Final Battle?

It was a strange sight to be seen. A handsome, though harried looking monk moving with incredible speed, over rock and root alike from two beautiful young women. Any onlookers of the curious chase might have wondered what could make a man run so quickly away from such…temptation. Were Miroku not running for his life and very sanity, he might have told them. 

But he was having enough trouble keeping both perverted thoughts about Sango and Kagome finally catching him and fatalistic thoughts of Inuyasha maiming him afterwards. Life, as it was custom to be, was truly unfair. 

Miroku, feeling breathless and restless took a worried gaze behind him. He half expected to find Kagome and Sango dashing after him like women possessed, which they technically were and was disheartened to find no trace of them. 

He had lost them at last. _A sorrow really,_ Miroku thought despondently_. I wonder what would have happened had they actually caught me._ It took everything he could muster not to visualize it. Despite his lustful stirrings, Miroku knew that he was in a precarious position. He had no knowledge of the youkai that might be residing in the area and was alone. 

Having the Air Rip certainly made him more than a match for most youkai, but a previous incident with a praying-mantis youkai had tore the opening. A month had not fully passed 

and the injury was still healing, as was necessary to diminish the risk of death. 

Miroku sighed in frustration and cursed his foolishness. There was no way he could go back, not with Sango and Kagome as they were. Inuyasha could also be in need of aide and his presence would most likely prove to be a greater distraction. Miroku was trapped no matter what he did. 

It was then that he began to sense something. Putting all thoughts aside but that of his training, Miroku focused intently upon revealing his potential foe. He looked heavenward and was distressed to find the shapes of numerous youkai of all shapes and variations. Those in the shapes of jagged birds, disembodied heads…even one that may have resembled a large snake.

_Damn._ The situation had gone from bad to far worse. He could open the Air Rip and simply draw the youkai into it, most likely dying in the process or try and return to the others, either dying before or when he arrived. Either way, Miroku lost. 

Given the options, Miroku made his decision. Erecting a barrier would prevent his attackers from rending him limb from limb for a time, but still, why prolong the inevitable? Returning to Inuyasha and the others would probably grant him the best (long) moments of his life, at least until the hanyou used the Tetsusaiga to cut him into little pieces. Unless he had actually joined in on the-

Once again, Miroku ceased his line of thinking. He was a perverted monk, not a twisted one. He clutched his right hand tightly and slowly proceeded to remove the protective rosary from the glove that covered it. He was in no rush to die and the youkai above seemed to be taking their time in getting to him. 

"I'll devour his liver!" One of the heads screamed, drool dripping from its gaping mouth. 

One of the misshapen birds swatted him. "I get his heart! I'll feel it burst in beak!" 

Feeling slightly disturbed as the youkai came ever closer, Miroku removed his glove. _So this is to be the end of me…_ Miroku sighed lightly. _So be it._

"Houriki!" He shouted, calling upon his holy powers and rousing the Air's Rip's power. The youkai were drawn forward immediately, while Miroku struggled against the developing pain. The Air Rip would expand soon, devouring not only the youkai, but him as well. 

And just when Miroku had almost forsaken hope, something both wonderful and terrible happened. Before he could blink, Miroku was suddenly knocked off his feet and sent sprawling on his back. The swarming youkai screeched gleefully when the Air Rip was hastily covered and launched themselves downward, ready to kill.

But it was the youkai who faced death. The shell-shocked Miroku barely blinked before the murderous youkai exploded into an array of body parts and blood right above him. Covering the Air Rip hurriedly and doing his best to avoid the falling carcasses, Miroku glanced about curiously to find his would be savior. Once he did so, it took all measures of control for him to keep from screaming.    

Standing not too far away from him were two of the most hideous youkai Miroku had ever seen. Their lower bodies resembled those of snakes, lengthy and covered in molted green scales, were intimidating enough. But it was their upper bodies that made Miroku almost wish to be once again at Inuyasha's mercy. 

Naked from the waist up, these new arrival basically resembled human women, aside from their four, razor claw tipped hands and scales in assorted places. Their heads were another story entirely. Like their lower bodies, they bore a resemblance to snakes, from their hairless, scaly heads, slit eyes and four large fangs, which were clearly exposed when they smiled. As they were doing now. 

Miroku _really_ didn't like their smiles. They were meant to be tempting, offering secrets and pleasure and seemed completely wrong on the faces of beings so hideous. 

"They baboon-pelted one was correct." Murmured one of the snake-women, her voice a low, grating, hiss. "This one does look more succulent then the last." 

"Much more." The second agreed with a nod. "Surely worthy of two beautiful hanyous such as ourselves." 

Paling considerably, Miroku's mind raced. The deep holes behind both of the hanyous indicated that they had burrowed beneath the ground to reach him and as for the "baboon-pelted one," Miroku was positive it had been Naraku. 

Naraku had somehow found out about his plight and send his youkai and these two hanyous to…Miroku felt beads of sweat drip down from his forehead. He didn't want to know what these snake-women had planned for him. Most likely, it wasn't going to be pleasant. 

With dual speed and motions, both hanyous slithered closer to Miroku. Their eyes gleamed wickedly and their arms were spread, as to envelop the suffering monk in a horrific embrace. 

Miroku stood awkwardly, doing his best to back away slowly. "How may a noble monk like myself be of service to such…lovely women?" He spoke with strained composure, hoping to provide some distraction while he made his escape. 

Both snake-women gazed at each other, then at Miroku with amusement. 

"The full-blooded ones will not have us, though what we desire most is an heir. One who wore the skin of a baboon came into our lair earlier and we chose him to be our mate." 

"He told us of one who was even more delicious looking than he, a monk who traveled about the world with our cause. We released him in exchange for the location of this mortal and have now come to claim you." 

Miroku listened to the dual explanations with horror, but very little surprise. It was so like Naraku to do whatever possible to make him suffer. But this…this was truly cruel. 

Brandishing his staff tightly, Miroku gave the twin hanyous a cold glare. "The goal you and I share is not the same. I am looking for an heir, but with a human woman as its mother. I'm afraid that you have come in search of the wrong person."   

Both snake-women stiffened at Miroku's response, their backs arching and jaws clenching. Without warning, the one slithering at the right attacked, sinking her fangs into Miroku's arm before he struck her in the face with his staff. 

The hanyou was dislodged, but her sister came at Miroku with equal speed and viciousness and mimicked her attack perfectly. Miroku stumbled, feeling dizzy and disoriented due to what he assumed to be poison spread by his assailant's bites. Then at once, both snake-women lunged forward, knocking Miroku backwards for the second time that day and pouncing on him. 

They tore at his robes in a frenzy, making Miroku wonder if they were even aware of him in their cursed state. He could also feel his own breathing becoming labored and his near clothing-less body receive several deep scratches due to the claws on eight busy hands. 

Miroku had thought his encounter with Inuyasha to be the worst of his curse-caused experiences. But there was no word to describe what he was going through. He would most likely die from the poison, but not before being assaulted by two insane hanyous. Miroku only prayed that he would die as he had lived…heirless.  

As things were about to get even worse, neither the doomed Miroku nor the crazy snake-women noticed something moving on the ground behind them. Just as the Miroku was about to have a far more painful and scarring recreation of his previous experiences, the ground seemed to tremble with the sound of a rumbling roar. 

Both hanyous gave terrified shrieks. Miroku's vision had become to bleary for him to make out more than simple shapes, but he would have sworn he saw the lengthy body and the almost noble face of a dragon. 

Whatever the case, the hanyous leapt from his body and slithered back into their respective holes, screaming and yelling frenetically as they proceeded to dig. Feeling relief, yet no real joy, Miroku allowed himself to sink into darkness…

~*~

The enormous dragon ran towards the fallen monk, its fearsome appearance becoming all the more human with every second. 

Sinking down to her knees, ignoring the dirt and fifth of the road, Lady Sakura bent over the unconscious Miroku. She hesitatingly placed a thin hand onto his slashed chest and concentrated. It had taken so much of the little power she possessed to create the curse she had put upon the lecherous monk and even more of it to maintain the illusion long enough to frighten away his attackers. 

Lady Sakura chanted softly, doing her best to channel her energy into healing Miroku. Healing wasn't something she usually did, being a witch and granting wishes took up most of her time. But she had been the one to get the unfortunate man into his predicament, she owed it to him to do her best to help. 

"I have been watching you for some time, houshi-sama." Lady Sakura muttered. "And I suppose I was not really thinking when I cursed you. I was trying to teach you a lesson, not kill you." Lady Sakura frowned when she noticed that a thin smile had appeared on Miroku's lips. 

"And I certainly did not intend for you to enjoy it!" She snapped uncharacteristically. "You keep dangerous company and I was foolish not to realize that. My only hope is you forgive me for my errors and for what you have been through." 

Lady Sakura removed her hand and was satisfied to see that the wounds that had covered Miroku's body were completely gone, leaving only the unconscious monk amid his greatly shredded robes. 

"Despite what has happened houshi-sama, you are a person of remarkable luck. It is not every day in which one is attacked by two women and three hanyous, yet still remains unclaimed." 

"Miroku-sama!"

"Miroku!" 

"Houshi-sama!" 

The sounds of voices, a male and two feminine ones at that, caused Lady Sakura to stop speaking and swiftly stand. She glanced down at Miroku and sighed. "You need not fear the presence of your companions any longer, for I have removed my curse and its devices. Whether or not you've actually _learned _anything from this experience remains to be seen." 

Lady Sakura gave a final nod and began to walk away slowly. "Farewell." 

Moments later her form vanished completely, leaving Miroku alone, with Kagome, Sango and Shippou drawing ever closer…

~*~

From his hidden castle and within the darkness, Naraku swore furiously. His carefully constructed plan had fallen to ruins, all due to the interference of some meddlesome bitch. He extended a hand to the Hell Insect who had brought him the deplorable news, then wasted no time in crushing it mercilessly. 

But what Naraku really wanted to kill was the two worthless hanyous who should have used and eaten Miroku with no interruption, yet were stupid enough to fall for the simplest of tricks. 

_I should skin those miserable wenches alive,_ Naraku mused furiously. It was a welcome idea and it would serve to take his mind off his most recent failure. He stood regally, his violet eyes flaring. 

"You may yet live Miroku, but soon I will take great pleasure in changing that."   

Unwilling to waste any more thoughts on the lecher, Naraku took up his baboon-pelt and grinned wickedly. There were things to do and wenches to kill.  

"Kukuku…"  

~*~

In our final chapter, "Normal Once Again?-Epilogue"


	7. Epilogue

**Notes:** I really can't believe I'm finishing this story. It's been a fun ride and I'm grateful for all the support and compliments that I have received. I especially didn't think I would attract the attention of the remarkable writer Thunk, whose incredible stories are truly a joy to behold, in either Inuyasha or the Dragon Ball Z fandom. Thank you everyone for your reviews, I'd name names but I'm afraid it would be far too arduous. Please enjoy this final chapter. 

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha "Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi" and its characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. 

* * *

Normal Once Again? –Epilogue

Women were everywhere. And for the delinquent monk Miroku, it was heaven. He sighed contentedly as one raven-haired beauty wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled him, while a shapely, golden haired woman whispered softly in his ear. It was perfect, incredible and Miroku didn't want to think of it ending. When the ebony haired woman tilted her head upward, her lips soft and looking all the more alluring, Miroku smiled lazily and leaned down to gently touch her ruby lips. 

He then jumped back in horror. Aside from four jagged teeth at the top of her mouth, the woman was toothless. She smiled even wider and Miroku stared at her, disgust and confusion raging within him. 

A sudden, sharp pain caused Miroku to cry out and he realized the blond woman who had been whispering things to him that would have made the fairest of ladies blush, had bitten him savagely. Cursing, Miroku shoved her away from him, only to face two other women who held similarly horrific visages. 

He was overwhelmed. The once beautiful women had shown themselves to…old women (and ugly ones at that) in youthful disguises. And they were everywhere; Miroku couldn't believe how quickly stooped, wrinkly crones had surrounded him. 

Crimson, ebony and golden hair had given way to course, dirty gray and snow white. Sallow skin hung in droopy wrinkles and gnarled hands, with yellowed claw-like nails grasped and groped. It was a nightmare…it was perverse. Hundreds of decrepit, disturbingly virile old women…wanted Miroku. 

As he was backed against some magically appearing wall, the tortured Miroku did the only thing his mind could devise. He screamed and screamed as he being crushed by seemingly hundreds of bodies…

~*~

"Are you sure that Miroku-sama is okay?" Kagome asked quietly, glancing at Miroku's shifting body positioned in the center of the room. 

"Would you stop asking already?" Inuyasha replied across from her, disgruntled. "He ain't got a scratch on him and the healer of this dump said he was sleeping." 

Kagome frowned. "I know, it's just-"  

"If you're so worried, why don't you look him over yourself?" 

From his position beside Kagome, Shippou snorted. "Even in his sleep, he would probably enjoy it."                

"I still can't believe that we found him unharmed." Sango commented from beside Inuyasha.

"It is highly unusual for any youkai to resist attacking someone in such a defenseless position." 

"He wasn't completely uninjured," Kagome pointed out. "His clothes were…" She blushed at the memory. 

Noticing Kagome's face, Shippou smiled evilly as a plan worthy of Naraku formed in his clever mind. "We've seen worse, right Inuyasha?" 

Inuyasha glared at the kitsune, the all-too-innocent expression and chipper voice making him instantly suspicious. 

Shippou's grin grew wider and he hurriedly continued. "Weren't you all over him at the hot springs?"  

Silence reigned. Both Sango and Kagome fixed Inuyasha with twin looks of shock and disbelief, which he matched with his own look of horror. 

Kagome felt her face flush. She'd accidentally seen one of those yaoi scenes on an anime when she had been flipping through the television channels, but never imagined… __

_Inuyasha and Miroku?_ _Sesshoumaru mentioned something about it earlier. It must have been the curse,_ she thought with no small measure of desperation. Miroku chased after every pretty face and Inuyasha had loved Kikyou. And still did, despite the fact she was a walking corpse. 

That last thought made Kagome feel even worse. She could barely stand imagining Inuyasha kissing Kikyou, if he had been doing-what had he been doing with Miroku? 

The sound of Shippou snickering broke the still air and finally drove Inuyasha over the edge. With no regard to personal safety, he lunged, all but ready to send poor Shippou to join his father. But the smaller youkai quickly jumped on Kagome's shoulder and stuck out his tongue rudely. 

"You think you're gonna get away with it?" Inuyasha growled, his hands clenching. "When I get through with you Shippou, it'll make what I did to Sesshoumaru look like nothing!" 

He leapt…and when Kagome said "Osuwari," came crashing down. Unfortunately, he landed atop the still-shifting Miroku, who had just chosen that time to make his reappearance to the realm of the living. 

~*~

Miroku had been having a terrible day. He'd been groped and dominated (which he'd greatly enjoyed) by the lovely Sango and beautiful Kagome, and then things had gone downhill. Inuyasha had grabbed him (in the nude no less) and been prepared to do things he didn't even want to imagine to him, Sesshoumaru had seen them and called him a "bitch," two insane snake hanyous, who had been sent by Naraku had been prepared to make him a father and lastly he was dreaming of depraved old women (who _all_ wanted him) with the foulest breath imaginable. 

It was a very bad day.  

That was his excuse, one he would cling to firmly and resiliently. 

He awakened to find, aside from sparse furnishings, an ashen-faced Sango, a chortling Shippou, oddly angry Kagome and Inuyasha on top of him, a pained expression on his face. And that his robes were missing. 

The bad day had yet to end. it seemed. 

Miroku wasn't quite sure if it was a reflex of finding a someone unexpected laying on him or the result of the horror he had experienced. Whatever the reason, Miroku did something he would have never done were his right mind. He knocked Inuyasha away from him, sending the overly-subdued (in Inuyasha's opinion) to the cold, hard floor. 

"Miroku," Inuyasha snarled, still under the effects of the spell and flat on his back. "You better hope I don't get up, otherwise-"

"Houshi-sama," Sango interrupted Inuyasha pointedly. "It's good that you're awake. Perhaps you can explain-" 

"What happened with you and Inuyasha, Miroku-sama?" Kagome asked, cutting off Sango. 

~*~

It was the question. One Miroku had hoped he would never have to answer, especially not after waking up from what had started as the best dream of his life. Sango, Kagome and even Inuyasha were watching him intently (or murderously), all awaiting his answer. Miroku knew he had two options. 

The first was admitting the had curse taken hold, driving Inuyasha mad with lust and causing some discomfort in the process. The second option involved lying, but judging from the faces around him (and Shippou's triumphant smirk), the ruse wouldn't go over very well. 

So, doing his best to keep hold of the recently-noticed blanket (never had he so desperately wanted his robes) Miroku told them everything. He might have embellished slightly about Inuyasha's use of force and measure of interest, but he excluded nothing, aside from the dream he prayed would soon be forgotten. All in all, Miroku told them the truth. It was yet another instance of a rarity that day. 

Kagome frowned as she tried to take it all in. _Hearing about Inuyasha was enough, but did Miroku have to go in detail about the snakes?_ _It also makes the way we found him even stranger. _

"But if the last thing you remember was being attacked by the hanyous, why then did we find you healed?" Sango inquired, voicing everyone's curiosity. 

Miroku shook his head. "I'm afraid that is an answer I cannot give you. Though I do have questions of my own. What happened with Sesshoumaru and how is it that none of you, aside from Inuyasha, have tried to touch me since I awakened?"  

"Who the hell knows?" Inuyasha replied haughtily. "Once I cut off his arm and used the Kaze no Kizu against him, Sesshoumaru took off. The bastard never learns."  

"You defeated him with such ease?" Miroku replied skeptically. 

"Like I had a choice? The way Kagome and Sango ran after you, the last thing I needed was for them to catch you. Especially since you'd probably let them." 

Miroku gave Inuyasha a wounded look. "Surely you aren't insinuating that I, a humble monk, would take advantage of-"  
Sango glared at him. "You already have houshi-sama. Need we remind you?" 

Blushing slightly at the insinuation, Kagome did her best to smile. "So you were worried about us Inuyasha?" 

The hanyou blinked at her in surprise, but quickly covered it. "Feh. What use would you have been at finding Shikon fragments if you were enormous and carrying Miroku's child?"   

Miroku winced. It was surely not the best thing to say to Kagome and he couldn't help but feel offended as well.  

"Enormous?" Kagome repeated furiously. "Inuyasha, you-you! Osuwari!" 

The sound of a hanyou meeting the hard ground filled the room. Again and again. Miroku couldn't help but feel for him, one could only use the words delicate and supple in reference to a woman's size and escape unscathed. 

Still, the question of why Sango, Kagome and Inuyasha had not become a collective intent upon ravishing Miroku, still remained unanswered. Perhaps the Lady Sakura had taken pity on him, or perhaps it was taking some time to work again. There was one way to find out…

While Kagome continued to punish, err -subdue Inuyasha, Miroku sighed pointedly. 

"Things don't change, do they Sango-sama?" He asked, an expression of innocence plain on his face. 

Sango's look was suspicious, yet she nodded. "Not very often-" 

BAM! 

Sango, Miroku and Shippou winced, for Inuyasha's sake, before Sango continued speaking. "Though there are times when that is a good thing."

"I agre-oh!" Miroku gasped dramatically and closed his eyes tightly. His exclamation attracted not only and Shippou Sango's attention, but Kagome's as well. Inuyasha lay dead to the world, bruised, blooded and knowing never, ever in his natural life to call Kagome (or any incarnation of her) enormous. 

Sango's eyes were wide with concern. Such worry and even fear. Miroku _almost_ wished it wasn't necessary for him to do as he planned. 

"Are you alright houshi-sama?" 

"Miroku-sama?" 

Both Sango and Kagome leaned closer. Closer…making his eyes into slits, Miroku watched them. They were almost leaning over him, he almost had a scant glance of firm, and supple-_surely_ he wasn't thinking of _that_, not after all he had been through. 

Still the temptation…with the speed of the thief he was, Miroku maneuvered his hands into expert groping position. He would probably end up looking no better than Inuyasha, but it was worth it for the sake of knowledge. 

And just when he wanted more than anything for the curse to work, Inuyasha was disabled and Shippou…well the kid had to learn sometime, the unthinkable happened. Instead of jumping on him like the he had expected (hoped) when he felt Sango and Kagome's rears, both women had remarkably similar responses. 

Sango's Hiraikotsu and Kagome's large, overstuffed bag suddenly appeared in their hands, before taking residence on Miroku's head. Painful residence, assuredly. 

Watching the scene, Kagome and Sango blushing and angry and Inuyasha and Miroku beaten, Shippou sweatdropped. "Maybe next time, I'll remain silent." 

~The End~


End file.
